Animorphs

I had given up on my dream to be an author.

Writing was still a part of my life, but I had stopped looking at it seriously. Doubts howled in my mind. Doubts, and shadows, and the horrible hollow feeling no one would ever truly like to read my work.

Then something unexpected happened. My sister brought out some old books I had given her. Nothing fancy. Nothing miraculous.

These particular books I had read when I was younger. They had been a huge influence on my childhood. I wouldn't go so far as to say they were what inspired me to be a writer. My love for reading and writing came from my father and mother, who taught me to read and write, and encouraged my fantasy tales. BUT, the books introduced the concept of being a writer for my job, my career, my life. They put me on that path.

I am ashamed to say I forgot all about these wonderful, thought-provoking, and emotional books. I am re-reading them. I've re-read some other books from my childhood for the heck of it, and yes, they were wonderful at the time. But no longer.

The Animorph books are different. I don't mean they are a different idea - many books have children heroes, and many stories are about creatures that take control of you, force you to do things and say things and you can't stop them. Animorphs are different, and to be honest I'm not sure why. I know I picked up one book at random, just to read a few pages - I remembered I loved them so much as a kid, and I wondered if they would stand the test of time.

I am falling in love with them all over again. Even Visser Three, the evil creature.

Applegate brought me back to my childhood a few days ago. Brought me back to that mentality, that girl who knew she could take on the world and win. That is why I loved Rachel and why I identified with her so well.

I am a writer. I was born a writer. I abandoned it because I grew up - grew up and was brainwashed into thinking I could not be a writer - that it wasn't a real job, that it had nothing good for it. I was told in school to go after a real career. I listened to the negative voices, and ignored the positive ones. I gave up a year ago, even though my Aunt Hope encouraged me.

Applegate reintroduced me to Rachel. And in doing that, she reintroduced me to myself. I gave myself a butt-kicking. How dare I forget myself! How dare I let myself get swept away!

How dare I not listen to those who matter most when they say I can do it, that I have talent (and need to work on my spelling). How dare I listen to those who haven't even read my work and told me I could not do it.

I wonder if Applgate will ever read this? Probably not. But I'll say it anyway, because unlike my family, I can't just tell her. Thank you K. A. Applegate for sending Rachel my way. I know you didn't plan on it, but you did. Thank you for writing those books. They helped me in ways you can't imagine.